From Bray to Eternity Read online

  We danced a lot that night to the music of Joe Coughlan and the Metropole orchestra, with vocalist Pat Montana. Annette loved to dance but I’m afraid my dancing left a lot to be desired, except for the slow numbers, when I held Annette tight and let the music carry us around the floor. I did a lot of that on the night. The night was a great success and we quite literally did not want it to end. Thinking back on it I don’t think we drank alcohol at all, we were content with soft drinks, and probably enjoyed the night all the more for that. How different things are now.

  The three girls met each other for the first time that night and seemed to get on very well together, which added to the enjoyment. After the dance myself and Annette, high on the excitement of the night got a taxi back to Ballyfermot. For the first time I stayed in Annette’s overnight. On the couch in the front room I hasten to add.

  Our dating habits changed after the dress dance. Before that night we mostly went to the pictures, but now we started going to dances, which Annette preferred. I could hardly put one foot in front of the other whereas Annette was a good dancer. She was very patient with me and worked hard at getting me to jive, a dance she loved to do. In the beginning dancing was an ordeal for me. I wasn’t any good at it and, worst of all, I felt embarrassed on the floor as I believed everyone was looking at my clumsy attempts. But I also knew that if I wanted to continue dating Annette I had to be prepared to bring her to dances. After a while, with her help, I became a not good but adequate dancer and I started to enjoy going to dances which we did quite often. The Metropole, Clerys, The National, The Ierne, The Crystal, The TV Club and occasionally The Portmarnock Country Club became the backdrop to our developing romance.

  All of a sudden our first Christmas together was ahead of us and our relationship seemed to be going from good to very good. We were very loving and affectionate towards each other indeed I sometimes found it hard not to stray beyond what Annette considered acceptable behaviour, but she was always gentle in a controlling way in that department. She said to me years later when we were married, and if I had known it at the time I might have pressed her just a little bit harder, that she sometimes wanted to go further, but knew one of us had to be strong. Don’t you just love strong women!

  I still had not mentioned the love word to Annette, though I think she had a good idea how I felt about her and I was beginning to believe she had, ------ how shall I put it, fond feelings for me. Also she had been in the flat in Dominick Street on quite a few occasions since that embarrassing first visit and relations between her and my mother had improved considerably. As a matter of fact my mother, indeed both my parents had become very fond of Annette.

  I gave Annette an electric hair dryer as a Christmas present and she gave me a jumper that first year. On Christmas Eve, after spending the day together in town, we went back to the Wimpy Bar on the Quays and had a slap-up mixed grill before I left her to the last bus from town at 9 o’clock. We both stayed in our own homes on Christmas Day and I went out to Ballyer on Stephen’s Day. I ingratiated myself with her parents and family by bringing presents, small ones, for all.

  Christmas 1965 was good for our relationship, we visited each other’s family and got on well with them. We got to know each other better in the relaxed holiday atmosphere. I think that just maybe it was the time Annette started to think twice about going to Brazil. We went to a few dances over the Christmas period as well and spent New Year’s Eve in Annette’s house at a family party sing-song. It was the first of many such occasions, and it was family sing-songs which would cause friction between Annette and me over the years. Coming from a small family, I only had one brother, I always found these family gettogethers a bit boring, and the idea of singing in front of people was always a source of embarrassment to me. I tried to avoid going whenever possible, and this evasiveness annoyed Annette. She loved meeting her family and socialising with her sisters as they got older. Over the years this was one of the things that we, from time to time, crossed swords over.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Our romance went from strength to strength over the next year or so. Annette spoke less and less about going to Brazil, although she had not entirely given up on the idea. She still went to the Friday night meetings from time to time.

  We were now both quite comfortable with each other and with each other’s families, my mother and Annette were getting on like a house on fire and were laying the foundations for their future relationship. We had also started to go out as a foursome now and again with Annette’s friends, Lillian Long and her boyfriend Colm Montgomery. On a number of occasions we went out to the Embankment in Tallaght, then owned by the legendary Mick McCarthy. We didn’t know then that on the way we were passing the very spot we would in the future live in for over 30 years. On one famous occasion, after a night of drinking, we missed the last bus from the Embankment. In the depths of winter; with snow on the ground, we walked past what in a few years became Raheen Green, where we would live most of our married life together. It was just an empty field then, and we had to continue on walking past Tallaght Village before we could get a taxi. We liked to go to places that were a little bit different and out of the way. During that phase of our courtship we also went to the Blue Gardenia in Brittas a number of times. It’s funny now looking back on those times but we seemed to be drawn to that part of Dublin. Maybe it was not so strange that we bought a house out in Tallaght and lived happily there for over 30 years.

  Speaking of the Blue Gardenia I remember a night we spent there before we were married. It was around Christmas time and the “Blue” was decorated accordingly, fairy lights, Christmas tree and lots of tinsel. By this time we had both started to take a drink, vodka and lime for Annette and a pint for me. The night was good, the atmosphere was great and we did not notice the time slipping by. The result was we missed the bus. Back in those days there were very few taxis to be got outside the city limits. No housing estates had yet been built out in west Dublin so there was no need for taxis to be around. We came out of the pub and through innocence, stupidity or more probably too much to drink we stood at the bus stop thinking that just maybe a bus would come. We were hardy creatures back then, I only had a suit on and Annette was wearing a light dress and coat. The ground was covered in snow and as we stood under the light beside the bus stop it began to fall again. The scene was so romantic, two young lovers wrapped around each other in a lamp lit snow scene, the only trouble was we were freezing and in danger of being frozen together like two statues. We must have stood there for the best part of an hour before a passing motorist, one of the very few on the road that night, took pity on us and picked us up. They dropped us back to civilisation, where we got a taxi to Ballyfermot.

  Another place that became a favourite of ours was the Shangri-La restaurant in Bullock Harbour, Dalkey. The Shangri-La was a beautiful little place reminiscent of “Rick’s Bar” in Casablanca. For ten shillings and six pence you could get a meal and dance the night away to a three-piece combo. We loved it and when we became engaged it’s where we celebrated the occasion.

  And so our romance developed, we both liked the same things, going to the same places, being with the same kind of people, but, most of all, we were only completely happy when we were in each other’s company, and we were content with that, as long as we could be together we were happy. As I said earlier, we were both virgins when we married, that was because Annette wanted it that way, but in all honesty sex was not an issue with us. Oh sure on a number of occasions I would have gone further if I had been let, but really, it did not impinge on our relationship at all. I was more than happy just to be in Annette’s company. The sex when it did happen after we were married was great, Annette gave herself unreservedly and as we were both learning we could laugh at our first clumsy but loving attempts at love making. I do believe now that not having sex before we were married contributed a great deal to the successful and long marriage we went on to have. If we had given in to our (my!) desires before marriage I th
ink there would have been a lot less fun on our honeymoon. We would have been used to having a sex life and nothing would have been new and experienced together for the first time as man and wife. By waiting until we were married I believe we laid the foundations of trust and love, the ingredients that are so necessary in a marriage for the years that follow the honeymoon. We could look at each other on our honeymoon and know we were both giving each other something we had reserved for each other from the moment we vowed to love no one else for the rest of our lives. And so it was with Annette and me.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  For the times that were in it, we both had reasonably good jobs. I was working as a store man with an electrical goods company, Neasden Distributors in Essex Street and Annette was a fully qualified upholsteress with O’Dea’s the mattress makers. If we had wanted to we were in a better position than many to make plans for the future. I had by this time told Annette how I felt about her, albeit in a rather clumsy way as we sheltered from the rain under a tree near Bohernabreena, and I was thinking of our future together. But Annette, although she was very fond of me was not ready to commit to a future together just yet.

  Our relationship had settled down to a comfortable routine, Miraculous medal on Monday night, the Gala or somewhere in town on Wednesday night and a dance, with the occasional baby-sitting gig, on Saturday nights. Life was good, but I was pushing Annette a bit on our future. She still had not fully given up the idea of Brazil though I thought it was fading a bit. But I knew enough about Annette by this time to know that the final decision on that would have to be her own choice. If I pushed too hard I knew I might just tip the scales in favour of Brazil. So I had to be careful how I went about it.

  During the latter part of 1966, we had a few little rows probably brought on by the uncertainty of the situation. On one occasion we actually broke up for a short time, a very short time. We had had an argument about something or other on the Saturday night and Annette said maybe it was time for a break. She’d taken me by surprise, but not wanting to let her know that, I said something like “that’s fine by me” and went home. By Wednesday I was on the phone to Annette in O’Dea’s ready to apologise for whatever it was I had done or said to upset her, and plead with her to come back. But I didn’t have to. I knew by her tone when she answered the phone that she was as broke up about it as I was, so I just apologised for whatever I may have said on Saturday and she did likewise. We resumed where we had left off later that night with an evening of kiss and make up in the darkness of the Gala.

  I felt it was now make or break time with us. One night, as we walked up Le Fanu Road, coming home from a date, I plucked up the courage and asked Annette to marry me. Annette remembers it somewhat differently, she says I did not ask her to marry me, but rather said: “I want to marry you.” At this stage I don’t know what I said or whose memory is right, but I was not expecting Annette to be surprised when I asked, or told her I wanted to marry her. I had, I thought, made it perfectly clear how I felt about her, so the next logical step in my opinion was an engagement and marriage. As you may have guessed Annette did not give me an answer there and then, but she did not say no. I let the matter rest and did not press Annette on the issue. We continued to see each other every Monday, Wednesday and Saturday.

  Soon Christmas 1966 was upon us. In many ways it was a repeat of the previous year, an exchange of presents and visits to each other’s families. The one thing different was I asked Annette if she would like to become engaged, and this time she said yes.

  We decided to get engaged the following Easter. We did not say anything to anyone about our impending engagement for a while. Annette, being the daughter she was, wanted me to formally ask her father for her hand in marriage first. I got on well with Bill, Annette’s father, and liked him a lot. He was a very nice quiet man and not someone to be intimidated by, nevertheless I was not looking forward to asking him for Annette’s hand in marriage. I put it off for as long as I could.

  We started saving hard about this time as we wanted to have somewhere of our own to live after we got married. We eased off on the amount of money we spent on dates. I took on a part-time job, a football pools round, to earn more money and Annette took overtime whenever she could get it. The housing situation was bad at that time and there was no chance of us getting any kind of council or corporation housing. We knew that if we did not want to end up with either of our parents, a situation we never envisaged anyway, we would have to buy a house of our own.

  Shortly after Christmas we heard about a new housing co-op which was being formed by a journalist named Joe McAnthony. We found out more about it and on a wet miserable Monday night we and a few hundred other couples anxious to secure their own home, queued for two hours at a basement office in Blessington Street. We put our names on a list in the hope that someday we would be able to buy our own home.

  This was also the day we went public with the news of our engagement. After queuing for hours in the rain in Blessington Street, we looked like two drenched down and outs and after at last getting our names on the list, we went back to Dominick Street. When my mother opened the door and saw us standing on the balcony, with the rain running down our faces and necks and squelching out of our shoes she just stood staring at us with an amazed look on her face.

  “What in the name of God happened to you; where have you been?” she exclaimed as she ushered us into the flat.

  Standing before her, like two street urchins, and with my father looking equally amazed and puzzled sitting on a chair behind her, I blurted out: “we’re getting engaged and we have been putting our names down on a list for a house.”

  All my parents could do was look at us in a state of complete incomprehension. Without referring to the engagement, as if it had not been mentioned, my mother said “get those wet clothes off you before you both get your death of cold” but the secret was out - Annette and Andy were getting engaged.

  In honesty I don’t think anyone was surprised. But it meant I now had no choice, I had to start practicing my formal request to Annette’s father to ask for her hand in marriage. Annette took pleasure in my predicament and ribbed me about my task. She kept saying I would have to go down on my knees to beg her father for her hand, and he just might refuse.

  A week later the terrible moment came. It was a Sunday night, a night I normally did not see Annette, but for some reason she wanted me to ask on this particular night. I went out to Ballyfermot but when I got there Bill and Mary had already gone down to Young’s. We sat in with Annette’s young sisters, Louise, Claire and Caroline, talking, playing, and looking at the TV. Eventually Annette sent her sisters to bed and we sat waiting for her parents to return. They did shortly after ten. After a bit of small talk Mary called Annette into the kitchen, leaving myself and Bill alone in the front room. I don’t know which of us was the most nervous, but at least Bill had a few pints in him to fortify him for our joint ordeal. After what seemed like an eternity of silence between us, I cleared my throat and blurted out something like: “hem, ehh I, I, ehh, Annette and I would like to get married and Annette said I should ask you first, is it alright if we get married?” Bill just looked at me and said “ah yea that’s alright” and it was done and dusted. The things women put men through.

  Mary and Annette then came out of the kitchen looking expectantly at both of us. I took Annette’s hand and said “it’s all right he said yes.” But Mary was not as easily placated, “did we have somewhere to live” she wanted to know. We told her we had no intention of moving in with her and that we had joined the housing co-op and would be buying our own house. After a little bit more conversation about our plans and when exactly we were getting engaged, a few bottles of beer were produced. They were consumed by myself and Bill. After that I took my leave of my future in-laws and said a very relieved good night to Annette in the hall.

  CHAPTER SIX

  It was full steam ahead to our engagement. We had decided it would be at Easter 1967, with the ho
pe that we would be able to get married sometime the following year. 1967 was also the year Annette reached the age of 21, her birthday being the 13th of August, so heavy expenditure was envisaged in the near future.

  We continued to save all we could and kept in touch with the housing co-op but after a while it became obvious that we were not going to get a house from that quarter anytime soon, certainly not in the timeframe we had set for our engagement and wedding. But we did not let that upset us too much and continued to make plans for our future.

  We got engaged on Easter Saturday, 25th of March, 1967. My brother Joe worked as a jeweller and he was able to get us a note of introduction to a firm of jewellery wholesalers in Grafton Street, and on a beautiful sunny and warm Easter Saturday morning, I met Annette at McBirneys. She looked absolutely stunning in a blue and white high-necked flower print dress which was cut away at the shoulders revealing her smooth, tanned arms. Her hair was long, loose, and cascading over her shoulders. She carried a white bag and a light white cardigan, a white silk-type scarf and black court shoes. (Annette’s just told me the type of shoe she was wearing that day.) I wore a dark blue suit.